we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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