This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hippo gnu deer
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
