Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
