I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
