Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
