I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
