Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize