I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
