it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
