"it" just moved
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
