im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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