Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
