i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
