sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
