Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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