you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
