You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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