i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
