I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
