If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
