She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
