I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i now understand why vodka
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
