what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
