Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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