My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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