What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You need a sexual gate keeper
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
