apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
