today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This is my gift to your gina
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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