i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
