he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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