Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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