Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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