I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
