Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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