he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
