I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
