True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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