if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
