so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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