So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
