I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
