Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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