haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
