Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
