the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
