I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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