i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
