it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
