and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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