Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
