I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
