she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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